Kindness First

Six years ago, I was honored to speak at Wesleyan University about bringing out talent in other people. Some attendees observed that many of us want to bring out the best in others, but there are only so many hours in the day. That made me think about the simplest possible way to make a difference.

That’s when I started to write “Kindness” in the #1 slot on my To Do list. Before I do anything else each morning, I take at least one action that has no purpose other than to be kind to another person. Here are some of the possibilities that both you and I could consider doing each day:

Praise another person to his or her boss, peers, family or friends
Share someone's contributions privately or publicly, such as via social media
Send a heartfelt thank you note
Offer assistance, whether that means teaching someone a new skill, or picking up items for them at the store, to save them a trip
Introducing two or more people who have mutual interests
Take the time to quietly, fully listen to another
Showing compassion and empathy
Volunteering

Personally, I don't use a To Do list on the weekend, but I try to practice Kindness First even on my days off. It's the single best way to connect with other people and to lift my own spirits. The more unexpected my kindness, the more satisfaction I experience when offering it.

If this sounds like some sort of overly altruistic endeavor, I'd like to confess that, to me, this Kindness First strategy is one of the most selfish plans I've ever hatched. By reaching out to other people every single day, I will be strengthening my social network and—in effect—taking out an insurance policy on my health and longevity.

The stronger your social connections, the happier and healthier you are likely to be. In my experience, strong social connections don't come from asking people favors or manipulating them to get what you want. They come from being genuinely interested in other people, and from having an authentic interest in their well being. It comes from being willing to help others. It comes from giving of yourself.

At Wesleyan, I offered 20 tips for bringing out the talent in others. In retrospect, perhaps I should have offered just one: put Kindness First.