The first point is obvious, but what does intelligence have to do with listening? The better able you are to grasp and respond to what people tell you, the smarter they perceive you to be.

A great way to do this is by practicing what Dr. Martin Seligman calls Active Constructive Responding (ACR) [5].

To put ACR to work, when someone tells you good news, you respond in an active and constructive manner, like this, “That is wonderful news that you were invited to the executive training program. You work so hard, and you deserve this honor. When is the first program, and what do you know about the content?”

In contrast, I could have said, “Oh, that’s great, good for you.”

Or, “Congratulations.”

Do you see how much more powerful the first response was? I built on the good news, rather than simply rushing past it.

When you listen, you need to change your behavior to demonstrate not only that you have absorbed the other person’s messages but also that you genuinely care about what they are telling you.

[5] Senia Mayman, Happiness Exercise: How to Make People Love You. In This Emotional Life blog. Available from http://www.PBS.org.